The Station, Part 48

I think I needed that. After my close call, I’ve feel somewhat unsettled, uneasy about my position, whatever that may be. I’ve continued along the cave, and encountered little else on the meantime. That’s partly why I’ve been on the quiet side. More than that. I’ve been trying to remember. Remember everything I can. What my job is, who my first love was, where I grew up. So much of that is in a fog. I don’t know what really happened and what I’ve just filled in to attempt to close gaps. There are too many gaps. My first love. I don’t know her name, I can’t see her face. Was there even one? Had to be. I know something, someone was there, but it’s just an impression, a placeholder for that set of memories. “There’s a piece of my brain that says, “First Crush Here”. Another bit that says, “Childhood”. Another and another. Pardon my sarcasm, but when you’ve lost as much of yourself and I have, you tend get a little more than upset about it. The abstraction helps a little.
But there are other things, other, and I hesitate when I say, memories, that have seemingly replaced my original ones. I used to think they were dreams, either induced by exhaustion, my situation, and even perhaps my fever. Each time I have closed my eyes I have gone and brought something back. I don’t know what these things are, as I can’t voluntarily recall then at will. But there are images that I see, places and things that flit through my mind as if they have always been there. I know that can’t be true. These memories that aren’t memories have supplanted the original ones I think. That would explain why much of what seems so genuine is oh so ridiculous. I could never fly. I’ve never been myself outside my own body. I’ve never conversed with great apelike creatures that looked to be for guidance and comfort. Utterly ridiculous. But you have heard of these things before. In fact, I suspect that you may know more about me than I. How I wish that you could talk to me right now. Tell me just who I am now. Where I had been while I slept. But there’s no more I can do other than wait for the next time. Sleep isn’t too far off again, It’s just a matter of when I can go no further without it. When that happens, where will I go, I wonder? What piece of my life will be sacrificed this time, only to be replaced by the sensations of beings and places that I should never actually ever know? I fear and look forward to it. It won’t be too long from now I think. And, on another interesting note, I’m still not nearly as hungry as I think I should be.

My new eyes have allowed me the freedom of noticing that the cave tunnel has widened considerably. Much wider. The floor no longer slants downward like it has been for the past, oh, I don’t really knows, maybe tens of kilometers. But this new development tells that that this stretch of the journey is coming to an end, and I am thankful for that. While I’m not claustrophobic by any stretch of the imagination, the monotony and monotone hue led to much introspection, which then led to doubts and worry that I don’t think I can afford right now.

The tunnel is not so much a tunnel anymore as it is a cavern. A vast room, the far corners of it are too far for even my enhanced eyes to see. The roof of this place is covered in the stalactites that apparently are the requisite for caves, both real and artificial apparently. And there is water, and something like a bed of moss that gives off an aroma that must be what ambrosia. That or the first scent of living organics is acting upon my newfound hunger. Like it was all prepared for my arrival. I do deserve a rest. How convenient that it is ready at the cave’s end. There is light beyond and above emanating from an unseen as yet opening. It can wait.