The Station, Part 38 cont.

So close, so fucking, maddeningly close. I don’t know whether to scream in frustration or just laugh at myself for even thinking that any of what I dreamt was remotely real. Instead, I’m going to stand up, stretch, and pretend for the time being that I didn’t dream a bit of it.

My stomach is making growling noises. And my bladder is full. I need to take care of the latter first.

I’ve lost my appetite. I’m just losing it—them really. It. My testes. They’ve shrunk. My penis too. They’ve all shrunk down. All comically, locker room mockingly small. I don’t know how much more I can take of this.

Then I need to concentrate on something else. Not my body. When I get out of here. And I will. I saw here, hanging among threads, suspending over space. I now know most of the way there. I must go down. Far down. And thank the stars it is down, and not up. I can only hope that I have the stamina to make the trip. I’ll find a way, even if a have to slide my way down, which right now actually sounds like a pretty good idea. I guess that’s the way to think right now. I have to get something to eat.

I was told once that if I was ever lost in a jungle or forest I should watch what the animals ate. If the local monkeys eat a particular fruit, it was probably safe to eat. It may taste horrible, but at least it would be nutritious—and it wouldn’t kill me. It didn’t strike me as important until now. And whoever said it, I have no clue. A man with a beard, was it him? I remember someone like that. From the perspective of my memory, he appeared much older than me. He resembled what I used to look like. Or have I just supplanted my former self onto another person, now faded away. Where was I when the lesson was taught? I have no idea. I should know this. Never mind, I’m getting away from the task at hand. My stomach insists on reminding me.

There is plenty of vegetation around. I saw some kind of primates earlier, the one that seemed to be curious about. Now that couldn’t have been all of what were they doing could it? I had likely interrupted their feeding time. But what then were they eating? They don’t, like most other animals, travel far from their food sources. Gazelles graze until the grasses are gone, and then move toward more verdant areas, the lions follow the gazelles, and so on. So would these primates. I can only hope that whatever they are eating, won’t give me another bout of sickness like the one I had so recently. Somehow I doubt I would survive an illness that severe.

I see a lot fig-like fruits in some of the larger trees. Unfortunately, they’re too high for me to reach. After all that I’ve been through, a little tree climbing is definitely not out of the question.